Is that a word, or a thing? If it is, I am not one. I always lean toward the serious...I am the one that is thinking while others are partying. That's not all bad. Except I'm realizing it is in some situations.
I have most recently had a hard time celebrating with others in their joys. Dating, engagement, weddings, new babies...those are the hardest. I allow the tiniest bit of bitterness to ruin the whole thing.
It's no secret that I want all of those things. And, I won't lie, I get jealous when others can have them and I can't. So, it becomes really hard to actually be happy for them, because I am so wrapped up in the sad story that is me, that I forget to be happy with my friends!
I was driving to a baby shower the other day and all of a sudden it hit me. Maybe I'm the person that people don't want to come to parties because I make it about me and how I don't have that thing we are celebrating. What a tragedy. Do others hesitate to tell me their good news because they are afraid it will hurt me? Is that really how I want to live my life?
I decided in that moment (or rather, the Holy Spirit showed me), that I wanted to celebrate well. I want to be a person that others can't wait to tell their good news to because I will be genuinely happy for them. Because it isn't about me. It is not a reflection on me. And it is a lack of trust and contentment in where God has placed me, to resent others for their blessings.
You know, that was one of the easiest baby showers to go to. I felt no obligation to justify myself or make a backhanded remark about how I wished it was me. I just genuinely celebrated my friend's new baby. And it was fun!
I went to a wedding that had potential (as all weddings do) to bring up sadness and jealousy. But you know what? I am truly so happy for them. And I'm so happy I got to be a part of witnessing and celebrating their joy. Was it work to keep that up? Yes. But it was totally worth it.
For anyone who has felt this from me when you have had something to celebrate, I truly apologize. I am so happy for you.
May God continue to sanctify me and teach me how to have joy...even if it's not my own.
May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Colossians 1:11-14
