Present Joy

I think I may finally be starting to understand what joy really is and what it looks like.

Not a whole lot has changed since the beginning of the year. My life is pretty much the same. Actually, I can't think of one thing that is different.

Except that I prayed for joy. And He is granting it.

He is teaching me that joy in circumstances is not true joy. True joy, the kind that is rooted deeply in your soul, is unshakeable, I think. It doesn't fluctuate with the day - whether I work or not, whether I feel skinny or not, whether I think that guy may be interested or not, whether I feel loved by others or not...none of that changes my true joy. My happiness maybe...joy...not really.

If my joy is rooted in God, not just the pat answer of "God loves me, so I'm happy," but my joy is rooted in who God is, what He has done for me, what my identity is in Him, what He has planned for me...it is solid. It is planted deep in my soul. And it cannot be moved.

John Piper, an amazing speaker and author puts a lot of emphasis on joy. I guess I sort of understood what he was saying before. It sounded good, anyway, if not completely unrealistic and pretty impractical. But now, what richness of understanding of the gospel are found in what he emphasizes:

"The really wonderful moments of joy in this world are not the moments of self-satisfaction, but self-forgetfulness. Standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon and contemplating your own greatness is pathological. At such moments we are made for a magnificent joy that comes from outside ourselves.”

So, whether things change dramatically for the good or for the bad, I can still have joy. And, praise God, He is giving it.

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord , "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you." As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips. The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalms 16:1-11

Worship

There isn't much else in the world that can draw things back into focus for me more than music. Something about it just expresses everything I feel so perfectly, that it reminds me of truth. The truth of life, the truth of love, and, most importantly, the truth of God. His truth of grace, mercy, new identity, and the future all comes into perspective when my heart is turned toward Him in worship.

I don't know why I tend to forget this fact. (Forgetfulness seems to be a running theme for me). I enjoy worshipping, but sometimes I don't have time or I'm embarrassed that others may hear and it slips out of my daily routine. But I always get drawn back.

I'm not the most verbally expressive person you will ever meet, but when I am able to play or sing, somehow, I feel like I am able to truly express myself to God. Not that He doesn't already know me, because He does. But something about being engaged in the act of worship makes the communication seem clearer.

We're created to worship. We will always find something to worship, whether it's God, a significant other, or money. Everyone is looking to be heard and to be able to express in a unique way how they feel about something. That's why we have art, music, writing, dancing, everything.

What a gift to have something to offer God. Not that He needs it. He does not need anything from me. But I need. I need all the time from Him. And all I can offer Him some days is a song. Sometimes not even that. But when I can, it feels like a gift I can give. Maybe not all that good of one, but a gift for Him nonetheless. A gift for Him that He gives. It's like a child asking their parent for money to buy a Christmas gift for their parent. Crazy.

So, with what little ability I possess, I will sing and play for Him until I die. Because it's all I can offer.

I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart;
before the gods I sing your praise;
I bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
On the day I called, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.
All the kings of the earth shall give you thanks, O Lord,
for they have heard the words of your mouth,
and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord,
for great is the glory of the Lord.
For though the Lord is high,
he regards the lowly,
but the haughty he knows from afar.
Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
and your right hand delivers me.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands.
Psalm 138

Contentment

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.
1 Timothy 6:6-8

Ouch. Content? Not a word that comes to mind when I think about myself. Saved, yes. Redeemed, yes. Forgiven, yes. Content...not so much.

What is it about me, or even people in general, that keeps us striving, always reaching for that one thing more? I get and get, but I never feel satisfied. There's always that one more thing. It taunts me, that one more thing.

I feel like I am so grateful for the things I've been given, and I may even go so far as to say that I am "content" at times, but I don't think I mean it. How can I mean it, when minutes later, I'm thinking about the one more thing? What a liar I am...I convince myself of the lie. A true master.

And yet, here it is, looking me in the face. And not just regular contentment, with my life, my circumstances. Oh no, God doesn't make it that easy.

Godliness with contentment.

The dictionary defines godliness as "piety by virtue of being a godly person." So after looking up piety (seriously, Webster?), I still don't really get what that really means for me.

A friend of mine defines it like this: Godliness is the purpose of God, for the glory of God, with the heart of God, as the people of God.

That doesn't have anything about me in it. Or what I want. Or the one more thing.

But one more time, as all the times before and all the times forevermore, He reminds me that it's not about me.

My life is for His purpose, for His glory, with His heart, and as His person.

Now, why does all this "nothing to do with me" bring contentment?

Because I was created for this. Not for the one more thing, although that may be added. But I was created to serve the purpose of God, for the glory of God, with the heart of God, as the daughter of God.

How can there be one more thing beyond the reason and the Person for which I exist? I'm fooling myself with one more thing, I distract myself with one more thing. I worship the one more thing instead of the One who made all things.

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you." As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips. The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalms 16:1-11