Abundant Gifts

Things are changing in this crazy old heart of mine. That shouldn't surprise anyone, as the blog seems to chronicle the ups and downs of an unsteady woman. 

A few months ago, I think I was at my lowest, emotionally and spiritually, than I have been in a very long time. I would wake up with despair in my heart and cry every night. I don't think it's a secret that last year was really, really hard. 

In the midst of all that low-ness and, let's face it, depression, a need arose in our church. They needed someone to head up the children's ministry.

I don't think it takes a genius to look at the crazy crying girl over here and the magnitude of a children's ministry over there and realize that maybe those two shouldn't mix right now. 

So, I waited to see who would step up. I was already partially involved, but I didn't want to take a spot when I knew what a wreck I was. And I know others could do it better.

Nobody came.

I was baffled by it, a little. I knew I had the time. I did not think I had the gifting in any way. And I was positive somebody amazing was out there and had just forgotten to say they would do it. So, I'm not sure what propelled me to tell them that I would. Not true, actually, I know Who did that. 

So, for the last few months, I have walked forward in fear and trembling, trying to figure this all out. 

I had no idea what a gift He was giving me.

I didn't know how much joy I would receive in being able to serve in the kids' classes on Sunday morning. 

I didn't know how amazing it would be to get to know everyone who selflessly serves our children and our church.

I didn't know that it would mean that my heart that longs to be a mother would get to love so many children, all at once.

I didn't know that being able to help in any way would be such a balm to my cracked, bleeding soul. 

I am not doing this perfectly. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm screwing it up in a lot of ways.

But it is such an overwhelming gift that I can't help but rejoice and worship and pray for help in every moment of being able to serve this way. 

I pray that I can do it well. My number one fear is that I will fail all of the people who are looking to me. May He be gracious to all of us. 

Truly, joy comes in the morning. And after the mourning. And if I can just look up from my mourning, His joy can permeate my soul. And He is a good Father who knows how to give gifts we never anticipated.

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me. O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol; you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit. Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name. For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. 

Psalm 30:2-5