Enough

I debated posting this...it is not the prettiest part of me. But it is truth, and part of living in the grace of God. He reveals that He is enough. 

After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to  the Twelve, Do you want to go away as well? Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? You have  the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that  you are the Holy One of God. 
John 6:66-69

As I cried over deep sorrows, I shouted at God: Why do you forsake me? Why must you constantly ignore my wants and desires? Why does it always have to be harder and worse instead of easier and better? Why is it that just when I feel like I'm finally ok, you allow something to assault me again? Is it not enough? Will it never be enough?

So much anger and so much pain I yelled at Him. I told Him what I thought of His decisions for me. And I fully expected to feel the old, familiar anger and bitterness creep in, nestling itself just where it had been before, as if it had never left. Like an old enemy you love to hate. I was quiet and I waited for it. 

But instead, there was a new feeling. I am still hurting and I still don't understand, but I heard the words...to whom shall I go?

Despite the fact that I often feel that He is not "for" me, when those old familiar lies creep in, there is nowhere else and no one else to go to. He is the bread of life. The bread of my life.  The true bread, as He says.

There are so many things that I want. I want other things to be my bread, to be my drink, to be the breath in my lungs. But at my very core, when everything is stripped away, and He says, "Am I not enough? Will I ever be enough?"

Lord Jesus, to whom shall I go? You are the Holy One of God.

And He is enough.