Identity

I am very forgetful. I often can't remember what a person has said immediately following their statement. (Some may call this "not really listening"). But I am most often surprised by my inability to remember where I have been.

I have most recently been on a voyage. A treacherous one, and a tiresome one. I travelled to the end of me and I saw...I saw my inadequacies. My inability to make anything of myself, my lack of control over people's perceptions of me. My complete and utter helplessness.

I looked off the edge and saw everything I could not do or be or say in order to make myself someone, to make myself loved as much as I wanted it. I looked over the edge and saw the vastness, and I felt despair.

And then a Presence. He stood by my side as He looked over the precipice. And then He looked at me, saw my tears, my hair disheveled and my nose runny. A mess, really. And He smiled.

Here I stood, with the Creator of the Universe, of me, and of all the people I so desperately wanted approval from, and I was unsatisfied. I wanted them to like me, wanted them to appreciate every little thing about me. They didn't, and I was hurt.

That's when He spoke. Or really, He had been speaking my whole life, but I could not hear it.

"Did I not make you? Have I made a mistake in you? I am the Creator of all things, heaven and earth. I have made you exactly as I meant to make you. Do not doubt Me."

"Not only did I make you, but I am making you. I gave you breath and I have given you life. I have spoken over you, and you are mine. I have engraved you on My palms and I will place My name on your forehead. Why do you look to others to give only what I can give? My approval, spoken over and sealed on you, from now until forever. It is finished!"

Then I saw what I was doing. Worshipping my idols instead of Him. How silly I was!

From the day I heard Him, I have turned. Away from the cliff and toward He who has jumped for me. And today I realize that He has done even more. All of my fears of failure, disapproval, and inadequacy have been squashed. And I didn't even notice they were gone.

But they are gone. He has given me new life and He continues to give. Over and over, He renews, scrapes debris out of wounds, binds, and heals.

I praise Him for freedom, true and unshakeable. Even if I forget to notice, He is faithful.

But now thus says the Lord , he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you.
I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth,
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."
Bring out the people who are blind, yet have eyes,
who are deaf, yet have ears!
All the nations gather together, and the peoples assemble.
Who among them can declare this, and show us the former things?
Let them bring their witnesses to prove them right,
and let them hear and say, It is true.
You are my witnesses, declares the Lord , "and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me.
I, I am the Lord , and besides me there is no savior.
I declared and saved and proclaimed,
when there was no strange god among you;
and you are my witnesses," declares the Lord , "and I am God.
Also henceforth I am he; there is none who can deliver from my hand;
I work, and who can turn it back?"
Thus says the Lord , your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"For your sake I send to Babylon and bring them all down as fugitives, even the Chaldeans, in the ships in which they rejoice. I
am the Lord , your Holy One, the Creator of Israel, your King."
Thus says the Lord , who makes a way in the sea,
a path in the mighty waters,
who brings forth chariot and horse,
army and warrior;
they lie down, they cannot rise,
they are extinguished, quenched like a wick:
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
The wild beasts will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches,
for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert,
to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself that they might declare my praise.
"Yet you did not call upon me, O Jacob;
but you have been weary of me, O Israel!
You have not brought me your sheep for burnt offerings,
or honored me with your sacrifices.
I have not burdened you with offerings,
or wearied you with frankincense.
You have not bought me sweet cane with money,
or satisfied me with the fat of your sacrifices.
But you have burdened me with your sins;
you have wearied me with your iniquities.
"I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake,
and I will not remember your sins.
Put me in remembrance;
let us argue together;
set forth your case, that you may be proved right.
Your first father sinned,
and your mediators transgressed against me.
Therefore I will profane the princes of the sanctuary,
and deliver Jacob to utter destruction and Israel to reviling.
Isaiah 43